


Lovesick

by snapginger (zoeteniets)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 18:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14878955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeteniets/pseuds/snapginger
Summary: “Whoever they are, forget them,” Hux tells him. “Forget the fool who cannot appreciate your strength, who does not know your power, who cannot see your determination. Whoever it is, if they inspired this much love in you and yet cannot offer even a sliver of affection in return, they are a monster unworthy of you and your desire for them..."Kylo Ren succumbs to Hanahaki Disease. Will Hux figure it out before it is too late?





	Lovesick

They are alone when it begins.

It is a few weeks after the destruction of Starkiller, and the atmosphere on the ship is still tense. Every member of the crew, from the Lieutenant Generals down to the lowliest of technicians are moving with quiet and measured steps, terrified lest the General take objection to the way that they walk and use it as an excuse to exercise all of his impotent frustration on any member of staff unfortunate enough to cross his path.

Kylo has even seen Phasma shrink away from Hux’s gaze.

On someone’s insistence, probably a medical droid’s, Hux has been spending hours in the training rooms, lifting weights, and running circuits for hours until finally he is exhausted enough to refrain from snapping at anyone for one whole peaceful hour.

Kylo knows this because, somehow, Hux and he always end up in the same training room.

It is Kylo’s suggestion that they spar together. The Knight of Ren has grown tired of seeing Hux take his frustrations out on the seated leg press machine as if he has a personal vendetta against it. Hux’s panting and sweating is too distracting. As the envoy of The Supreme Leader, he has a duty of care to prevent his Top General from spraining a hamstring.

That’s what he tells himself anyway.

Hux is clearly exhausted, nearing the end of a physical and mental collapse. Kylo goes easy on him, a mercy that is not unnoticed by Hux. But, rather than be grateful for it, Hux reaches even deeper into the well or rage within him, attacking Kylo with a fury that catches him off guard, and leaves him sprawled on the training mat.

“You underestimate me. That is a mistake.” Hux spits at him, towering over Kylo’s body like some conquering hero.

“I know,” Kylo admits.

Something falls across Hux’s face. An expression of surprise, perhaps? Or maybe disappointment? Kylo doesn’t really know him well enough to tell. He wishes that he did.

They spar a few more times, but Kylo continues to hold back, until Hux sighs with frustration, throws his hands in the air and proclaims that sparring with an inefficient partner is worse than not sparring at all.

Kylo watches him as Hux storms from the room. It is only after the door has firmly clicked shut behind the General that Kylo allows his body to give in to the coughing fit that he has been chocking down all through his session with Hux.

He never gets sick, so his body’s betrayal catches him completely off guard. He doesn’t understand what is happening to him as he falls to the ground, knocked sideways by his body’s frantic need to expel every breath that he holds in his lungs. He feels something move through him, travel up his throat and into his mouth, despite his effort to swallow the lump back down. Eventually, he spits it out and catches the bloody mess in his palms. Morbidly curious, he pokes at the heap of flesh. But he finds that it is not flesh at all; rather, it is a bloodied mass of bright red rose petals.

…

It doesn’t take him long to figure it out. When he was a child, his mother had read him a story about a Prince in a far-flung kingdom who had coughed up rose petals after he fell in love with a commoner who did not love him back. Later, Kylo had found out from his uncle that the disease the foreign prince had suffered was a real condition, often suffered by those with force sensitivity.

“It’s the body’s way of fighting back,” Luke had told him. “As Jedi, we are devoted to the cause of seeking balance and we sacrifice everything to achieve it. But sometimes, love puts us on another path. If you ever find yourself suffering from the symptoms of _Hanahaki Disease_ you must follow the path that it leads you too. True, this will mean that you will never be a true master of the Force. But if you ignore your symptoms, they will kill you.”

And now, here he is. The route that he is meant to follow clearly marked out to him; a pathway of red petals leading straight to General Hux’s door. And yet, he seems to have misunderstood Luke’s message. For when he goes to Snoke, a plan in his head and a red petal clutched in his fist, the Supreme Leader takes one look at him and utters a word that shatters Kylo’s hopes in one fell swoop.

“Pathetic,” Snoke says to him and throws him from the room.

Kylo had assumed that Luke’s warnings about following the right path, and his body’s reaction whenever Hux is near made it clear that Kylo should unite with Hux in darkness. That they would be strengthened together. That he was finally free from the light.

He begs Snoke for more guidance and eventually he is granted a short and savage lecture.

“ _Hanahaki Disease_ is the disease of weakness. _Hanahaki Disease_ proves that you will never be able to master the power of the dark side of the force. _Hanahaki Disease_ shows that you have no discipline, that your emotions are too strong and unwieldy, that I have wasted my time in trying to shape you into a true warrior of the dark.”

He is useless, worthless, hopeless. It is no wonder that the object of his affection does not love him but despises him. There is nothing left to be done but for Kylo to return to his room and either fight the disease on his own or succumb to it quickly, quietly, and with as little fuss as possible.

…

It takes a week for Kylo to decide what to do. While Snoke’s demand that he should not peruse a relationship with Hux in order to cure himself of the disease was perfectly clear, Kylo still did not understand what Snoke had meant for him to do when he sent the disgraced Knight back to his room. He was desperate for guidance, but his force-connexion with Snoke was now dead silent. And now that he has been forbidden from seeking out Hux, he realises just how much he misses the General’s steady counsel.

Thinking of Hux causes another bout of coughing.

He tries to fight it for a while, chewing the petals that he vomits into his mouth and swallowing them back down. That strategy only works a few times and soon the floor of his quarters is covered in red petals, Kylo too tired from coughing to clean them up.

He tries to use the force to help him block out any thoughts of Hux. But the disease has made him weak. That or he was right in his first thought when he had gone to Snoke; Hux makes his connexion to the dark stronger and without him in close proximity, Kylo’s powers are fading.

He tries to tell himself that he hates Hux, or that he is indifferent to him. After all, he had not loved Hux at first sight. He had not seen Hux and immediately known they were destined for each other, had he? He had once despised Hux as Hux now despises him, and he could do so again. And yet, every one of Hux’s faults is turned into a virtue by the disease that is currently consuming Kylo’s body.

Hux is stubborn, which shows the strength of his command. Hux is rude, which shows that he has no need for false platitudes and sycophancy. Hux is cruel, which shows that he is unafraid of the true nature of the dark side. Hux is cold, and to Kylo that seems so new and exciting compared to the false kindness and warmth shown to him by the light. 

Kylo retreats to his bed and stays there. There is nothing to be done but let his love for Hux consume him. And kill him.

…

“Kylo Ren is missing,” Hux tells Phasma four days into Ren’s absence.

“No, he isn’t,” she replies, the vocoder in her helmet failing to disguise her tone of disdain. “He’s in his quarters, as well you know.”

“He’s been in there for four days.”

“Last time he was in there for two whole weeks doing whatever Jedi magic the Supreme Leader had tasked him with. You weren’t worried then.”

“I’m not worried,” Hux replies. But the truth is, he is.

Hux can’t explain it. But when he had first showed up in the training room only to find Ren missing he had been annoyed. He had been looking forward to beating Ren again, hopefully in something more resembling a fair fight.

But then his feelings had softened into something else. He had thought that he and Kylo had a rapport going. The Knight had changed towards him after Hux had been the one to rescue him off Starkiller’s imploding planet. At least, he thought Kylo might have respected him enough to let him know what he is up to. Despite everything, this is still Hux’s ship.

Whit this in mind, he storms off in the direction of Kylo’s rooms, intending on berating him for not following proper ship protocol. He’s right by them when suddenly a medical droid exits the room, the door closing before Hux can take a look inside.

“You there!” Hux calls after the droid which, having seen him, has tried to scurry off back to the medical bay. “What is Kylo Ren’s status?”

“I’m sorry sir. Protocol prevents me from…”

“Protocol override Zeta!” Hux interrupts.

“I’m sorry sir, that protocol override is not recognized,” the droid responds, not sounding very sorry at all.

Damn it! Ren must have changed the protocol codes. Hux sometimes forgets how good he is with machinery.

He lets the droid go, but he pulls up the med-bay’s inventory up on his data-pad as soon as it is out of sight. The last things to be issued were three standard packs of pain medication. That’s odd, Hux doesn’t know any injuries Ren could have sustained recently. Unless he pulled something when they were training together…

Hux enters his code to the door’s keypad and is unsurprised to find that Ren has changed the protocol there too. Whatever is wrong with him, Ren doesn’t want anyone, especially not Hux to know.

He is almost about to give up when he sees a single red petal lying on the floor just outside Ren’s room. He picks it up. It stains his fingers with blood.

…

It takes him a good portion of a cycle but Hux finally manages to enact his own override and barge his way into Ren’s quarters. As General, it is his duty to always be aware of the health and well being of those on his ship. At least, that’s the excuse he gives himself for charging in unannounced.

The first thing he notices is Ren’s crumpled form, lying in the bed, facing outwards towards the vast transparisteel wall. Hux feels a faint tug of jealousy; Ren’s quarters are far nicer than his own. But then he feels foolish. Ren is sick. He’ll hardly be enjoying these surroundings.

The room is a state, which is odd because Hux thought that force users were meant to be tidy. Somehow, despite the spartan furnishings, this room is all in disarray, as if Ren has been stumbling around in it blindfolded. Hux is tempted to raise the intensity of the lights, but Ren has not woken yet and Hux doesn’t want to startle him.

He makes his way across the room to where the starlight is stronger, and he can better assess the patient lying on the bed. As he draws nearer he sees the white sheets of Ren’s bed are flecked with blood. It’s a gruesome sight, made evermore macabre by the sight of several of the same red petals that Hux had found before strewn over the bedclothes. His eyes now adjusted to the low light, Hux can see how the petals also trail around the room, weaving patterns like the interconnecting lines of a spider’s web.

It is horrific. It is beautiful.

Something swells within Hux. He has to sit down so that it doesn’t knock him off his feet. He doesn’t mean to wake Ren, but the movement of the bed under Hux’s body is enough to pull the sleeping Knight back into consciousness.

It takes Ren’s eyes longer than it should to focus. Then, as he sees Hux, he makes a small sound of surprise.

“You’re here?” Ren says as if he’s not sure whether Hux is real or not.

“I am,” Hux responds automatically.

Suddenly, Ren rolls even more over onto his side, clutching at his chest and heaving great big gasping breaths. It sounds as if his body is trying to expel his lungs. Hux should be disgusted. But some big and overwhelming part of him wants to reach out and hold Ren’s hair back, to soothe his body through its convulsions, to let know Ren know that he is guarded and safe.

These feelings frighten Hux. He doesn’t know where they came from, or why they have suddenly appeared. He fights against his urge to comfort Ren, though when Ren’s coughing fit has abated he indulges himself and presses the back of his hand to Ren’s brow.

Ren’s temperature is high. He relaxes under what must be a very cool touch from Hux’s hand. Though he grimaces as well and looks as if he is chocking down another bout of coughing lest he frighten Hux away.

“You’re sick,” Hux says.

“Yes.”

“You didn’t request medical leave,” Hux’s tone is almost accusatory and Ren shrinks away from it, though he stays under Hux’s hand.

“I didn’t have time. I thought it would get better.”

“You’re getting worse?” Hux says, surprised at the panic in his voice. “Are you contagious?”

“No. No, Hux." Ren sighs. "You’re perfectly safe. You won’t catch anything.”

“And the rest of the crew? I should know if we have to set up a quarantine.”

“No. The ship is safe. This is something I suffer alone.”

There is something strange in Ren’s word choice there. Perhaps if he wasn’t so worried by seeing Ren’s condition Hux might take a moment to analyse it. But before he can, Ren interrupts his train of thought by placing his own hand over Hux’s where it rests on his bow, lacing their fingers together, and pressing Hux’s touch even tighter to his skin. The look on Ren’s face is one of immense pain and Hux can see how the Knight’s breath has become even more laboured. Yet still, Ren endures the contact as if it causes him an agony of ecstasy.

“You should go,” Ren tells him through quiet breaths.

Hux knows that the Knight needs to sleep so for once in his life he agrees with him. He starts to pull away, but Ren’s fingers tighten, holding him in place.

“Ren. You’ll have to let go of me if you want me to leave,” Hux says to him quietly.

Ren’s eyes flicker with a whispered no but eventually, he acquiesces, letting Hux pull his fingers free but not before caressing him with his own.

Hux wonders if there is anything about the disease that could make Ren seek comfort and affection even from someone that he hates. He resolves to find out.   

…

Hux spends his next few rest cycles rapidly researching Ren’s condition. He reads through every medical text he can get his hands on, both in physical copy and on his data-pad. He requisitions a medical droid and asks it every question he can about Ren’s condition. He sits for hours staring down a microscope at the blood-stained petal that he had found outside Ren’s room.

The precise detail of Ren’s condition and any potential cure remains elusive for many days. Hux nearly goes to Snoke, convinced that the Supreme Leader must have an answer. But something in Hux’s brain warns him that Snoke is more foe than friend. He even begins to avoid the corridor that leads to the Supreme Leader’s door, convinced somehow that it is a journey that he will never be able to make twice. And so, he turns even to the most ancient of texts to aid him in his quest for answers.

And then, quite unexpectedly, he finds the answer in a small book of fairy-tales.

Ren is clearly too tired to change the code to his door again as Hux is able to enter without a problem this time. He is surprised to see that Ren is awake, although perhaps a better term for his condition would be ‘conscious’. He acknowledges Hux’s presence, but only with a groan, before turning his head and staring blankly up at the ceiling.

Hux doesn’t let that deter him. He marches right over to Ren’s bed and makes his demand.

“Who are they?” He asks. Ren doesn’t reply, so Hux repeats himself. “Who is the person that you love so much it’s killing you?”

Ren turns his eyes back to him. It’s Hux’s first proper look at him for a while. Ren has always been pale, life on a spaceship will do that to you, but now he is death-white. Fine freckles that Hux has never had the chance to appreciate appear as flecks of blood splattered across Ren’s Grecian features. His pupils are blown wide in an expression of constant shock. His lips are parted, red with blood, as he tries to gasp down shallow breaths.

“Hux…”

“Wait. I’m not done talking,” Hux interrupts.

He throws himself down on the bed next to Ren and cups the Knight’s face in his hands.

“Whoever they are, forget them,” Hux tells him. “Forget the fool who cannot appreciate your strength, who does not know your power, who cannot see your determination. Whoever it is, if they inspired this much love in you and yet cannot offer even a sliver of affection in return, they are a monster unworthy of you and your desire for them. I don’t care if this person has enough influence to make you ruler of the galaxy. I do not care if they are a coward that would strike me down for speaking this truth. Look at me, Ren. Whoever it is that you love to death in this way, they are not worth it. No one is.”

“You… are…” Ren breaths.

Hux nearly pulls away in confusion. Surely, he cannot have heard right. But Ren still has enough strength to catch him and pin him within his own grip.

And then something happens.

It is like a door has been opened in his mind. He can feel the empty frame where it once stood as if it is a real and physical thing in his head. And through this new and empty space comes a rush of love so profound that Hux feels as if he may be swept along with it and carried away as if on a tide.

He loves Ren. Of course, he does. He’s always loved Ren.

“I don’t… I don’t understand,” Hux says, his voice thick with unwanted tears. “What happened?”

Ren sways under the wave of Hux’s love for him, falling forwards until he rests his forehead against Hux’s own. He takes a deep breath and this time there is no coughing, no empty rattling in his chest, and no blood.

“Snoke… He must have…” Ren’s words come easier now, and although he is still gasping he sounds as if it is from sheer surprise rather than because there is a plant growing in his chest and choking the life out of him. “There was a barrier in your mind. A mental block there placed by an incredibly strong force user. So strong that even I could not sense it’s presence.”

“But then how? What happened?” Hux asks. It is a strange sensation, to suddenly be so sure of his love for Kylo (and he is Kylo now) but unsure of how he came to hold those feelings.

“You love me!” Ren breaths in awe as if he has just realised it for the first time. “You love me, and Snoke must have known. He told me that I was too weak and that I had to fight this disease on my own. But he is the one who caused it. He must have known that you have feelings for me and then blocked them from your mind. And then, when I began to love you in return, my force sensitivity triggered the disease.”

“I love you,” it is strange, but Hux realises that it feels wonderful to say it.

It feels even more wonderful when he leans forward and presses his lips to Kylo’s own.

And he remembers. He remembers admiring Kylo’s power, being in awe of his ability to channel his rage when the moment calls for it, appreciating the way he throws himself towards his duties with such passion and dedication. He remembers the wave of lust that first overtook him the very first time he saw Kylo shirtless and sweating in the training room.

Hux drags their bodies together. “I need you...!”

For a moment, Hux’s mind is lost to a red fog of desire. He now realises how cold and alone he had been locked away from what his heart craved so much. But then he comes back to himself; Kylo is ill. He needs rest.

He cards his fingers through Kylo’s hair and uses the gesture to tip the Knight’s head back. Kylo looks much better, but the evidence of his illness is still there – pale skin, tired eyes, dried blood in his hairline…

“Snoke will pay for what he made you suffer. For what he did to us.”

“Later, my love,” Hux preens at how wonderful it is to hear Kylo call him that. “We will plan, and then we will strike. Please, just let me hold you for now. I feel like this is all just some dream my mind has invented as it is starved of oxygen.”

Hux agrees to lay aside his feelings of vengeance and eagerly strips both himself and Kylo of their shirts so that they may lie together, skin to skin, under the covers.

Ren stares at him until his eyes can no longer stay open as if he is terrified that when he wakes Hux will be gone.

“You do love me…?” Kylo asks, voice thick with sleep.

“I do,” Hux replies. “I always will. Until my last breath.”


End file.
